I am looking forward to a few things.

two day town!
i love it. fourth year. im hoping its the best. four is a good number. were playing early, but that is fine with me, just means i get to relax more of the weekend.
www.twodaytown.com

may 30th.
i will leave las positas college with an AA degree. i dont really give a shit about the degree, im pumped on leaving. after that i just need to save a jillion dollars so i can go to real college. if anybody knows where a whole ton of money is, let me know.

the violet club
www.myspace.com/violetclub
i play drums in this band. im stoked as hell about it. they are so solid, its so easy to be me in this band. super solid people.

scrabulous.
im not that good, but its a ton of fun. if you have a facebook, lets get it on

besides that, my life is mundane. give me some energy.

and check this out

turns out im playing a show in tracy tomorrow. we go on at 8 and im playing drums. woowoo. come have a beer or something!

I love this movie. I really cant get enough of it.

i love this woman.
her strength in optimism is inspiring. she helps me feel my best. i search in her for what i lack in myself and i always find it.

i havent seen you in a while. why dont you come dance?

it has been a very long week. its been one of those weeks that out of either exhaustion or forced honesty, you question where you are and why. the week that you cant stretch the tired from your back, no matter how hard you try. the kind of week where you cant even finish a journal entry without something exploding

currently, i am in a lovely painting. well upon zooming out, it looks more like an intricate crayon doodle. the smell is some sort of persian sunset, the taste is boston lager and the sounds are of the odyssey and oracle, being transferred to me from the zombies.

i am feeling a bit like a story. i guess if i really think about it, i always feel like a story.

pewter is a unique name, and Pewter is a unique character. He isn't too much of any one thing. he yells as much as he whispers and he relaxes as much as he works. He is as playful as he is deep, and for some reason he has a depth that makes you want to go for a swim. he doesn't believe in much. his relationship with god is of the same caliper as the relationship between a post office man and the fat guy at the bar. as little as he believed in fate, fate returned the favor. where most people work hard and reap the rewards, pewter worked his young and much confused ass off to be paid with enough shit that even the turd-o-philes asked for their money back. his luck was manic depressive. one month, free beer and free tacos all around and the next month, he sold gear to pay the bills and still came up short. he had a fire inside, and it was no secret. every now and then, a flame would escape and he would put it out in fear and feel stupid about it later. he never finishes his songs because hes afraid of listening to them and threw away his art as to not read into the fact that he is fighting a losing battle.
the man is no pessimist. pewter the man is a happy man, you could tell by the way he bounced around when he played his guitar. he fought the suppression with a smirk that could not kill but would rend your negativity absolutely useless. he loved being an underdog and he loved fighting for relaxed frame of mind. he was a master of comfort. he felt better on a daily basis than some people feel in their entire lives. whatever it is that is in front of him, he takes and he shares. you like this guy as much as you hate him. you want to be him as much as you want him to fail and you want to fuck him as bad as you want to fight him.

thats all i want to write for the time being.
i hope you are feeling awesome.
'good morning to you, i hope youre feeling better baby'

some say the caliber of a man can be measured in how he reacts to hardship. there are some who measure a man by his accomplishments and some by their possessions. some people measure a man by the size of his truck. the man i admire most is the man who has no interest in measuring anyone else and only interest in measuring and bettering himself.

my chandelier is dim. i am smoking a fantastic cigar, drinking a delicious sierra nevada. the smell of nag champa fills my room with an essence both soothing and inspiring. i am listening to hendrix bleed. i myself am ready to bleed.

i take it as it comes. theres no other way that makes sense to me. i try to learn from what i see because the wisest teacher you will ever have is the world around you. i am not afraid of much. i would rather die than be seriously injured.
i love to express my feelings. i am also cautious in expressing my feelings, you never know who you are going to offend and you never know how deep you might slip.
i have learned quite a bit this past year. much more than i could relay in some silly survey, let alone a single document. i can tell you who i am, who i want to be and what i want to do, but that will require a cup of coffee and some decent weather.

i lost a really good friend a few days ago. tyson is my buddy man. his physical presence has left us. everything is everything, and i know he is with me now as much as he was when he was alive, but fucking shit, i am going to miss seeing him and the excellent high fives he always laid down on me.
tyson is about taking it easy. tyson helped coin the phrase 'i feel good about feeling good'.
he is the el camino just as much as i am just as much as you are. a man-measuring man would have been confused with tyson. he lived with his parents, went to community college, and had no truck. but if you ever got to see the man, you got the vibe that he was living it up like you wish you could.

death is very interesting to me.
(at this point, the cigar is out. a camel has replaced its intensity and it will be saved for another time)
death could be the end of everything that we know. i have no clue what death is. i only know the effect it has on those who are alive. i know that when most people think of death, it is all negative.
that is understandable. death is the ultimate loss. i am no stranger to death. i have lost before and i know what it is like. with tyson's death, i have tried to experience all angles of emotion.
when somebody close to you dies, you enter a state of being that i wouldn't call enlightenment but maybe something else close to it. the people that you you usually converse with in a very primitive manner are now opening their hearts and their minds to share their loss. conversations carry a heavier connotation, sad or not. your thought process is expanded. it shakes you out of the robotic state that most people live their lives in and you the shock of real human emotion can be too much for most. how many times in your average day do you diagnose the quality of your life and the caliber of a person that you are.
my thoughts and my feelings are clear. the stress of work, bills, school, art and love are not my entire life. my heart and mind realize these stresses are a part of life and that there are things happening all the time that are so much more important than what i do to survive. i am aware that life is not a race or competition. life is not finding yourself but building yourself. it is a new goal of mine to prolong this elevated consciousness as long as i can. i think if a person can live their life in touch with their true emotions, desires, and set of beliefs, that person can do no wrong.

my second beer has been cracked. the insence still burns but the camel is long gone. i just heart a line from a flaming lips song 'love is the greatest thing a heart can know, but the hole that it leaves in its absence can make you feel so low' i really like these guys.

i am disappointed in the way language is used in this world that we live in. i am not one to talk, my grammar is horrible and my vocabulary trite.
what i mean is that the words that are said the most have nothing to do with real communication and more to do with tangible objects and survival. the definitions of compassion, understanding, sharing (not profit sharing), care, pride, integrity, love (not disney love), respect, and passion have been pushed aside for the use of words that communicate profitability, net gain, cost-benefit analysis, greed, jealousy, bad and good credit, net worth (the idea of measuring somebody by their belongings seems so un-humanistic to me), servitude, and patriotism (which now means that in order to be patriotic, you must blindly follow whatever elected puppet 'rules' our country). please use your vocabulary to tell me how your day was with more than three words. use your knowledge to describe with all the passion in your heart what you want to be doing with the beautiful existence you have come across. let me know how you feel about me and let me know what you want to eat, because i am down for whatever.
if i have anything that i want to lay down on anybody else it it this: i live with passion and compassion, and i think you should too. and the second thing is if you are not ready for the first, than just be kind.

im going to get so drunk.

i dont really have all that much to say. if you have a chance you should type george harrison and paul simon into the search bar of youtube.com holy shit. fucking awesome
i am sunburnt and tired. i live for the weekends these days. i dont care what i have to do to get through the week because i know itll be worth it. i love it.





sun, sun, sun here we come!

lately, i have been alive.i feel like garrett roads, like woah. i have been adventuring all over the place.there has been a lot of joe going on. we went up to portland to see marc dyer, fucking awesome trip. portland rules. went to santa cruz with danny and paul, righteous brothers. super rad time, 40's everywhere and a new thing for me, frisbee golf, the raddest thing ever. enjoy these pictures.




portland is fucking awesome.
you know a funny thing that has been on my mind, it seems bogus to be told as a child that you should always follow your heart and do what you want and then when the decision arises all you can count on any advice telling you to weigh whats in your hands.


Hi Danny!


and just as a reminder, if you want any time with me you can take it. ive been writing a lot of songs lately, joe and i have a new project called 'the art show' im pumped up on it. on another note, i just called to say i love you.
party on wayne.

give me two days and ill give you the post of a lifetime

so this bastard raccoon tried to get my kittens twice tonight, even after i chased it off. im not pleased.

i was just reading in the news about some shit going down in the west bank where an israeli missile took out some kids. the yahoo message board for the story is filled with bigotry and hate. there are all sorts of people bashing one another and calling for the death and annihilation of all jews, christians and muslims.

reading this shit has got me so down. it deeply saddens me to see the world this way.

i just wanted to say that given even tiny amounts of effort, we can overcome the state we are in.
im not here to preach political or religious jargen.
just to say be kind.
treat people the way that you would like to be treated. weve all been taught that and its time to take heed to the message. without compassion we will get nowhere. whats behind us is behind us.
we can be much better than this.
be kind

i just watched the graduate for the first time, fucking brilliant.
i feel better. ive decided to not take myself seriously at all.
when it comes to it, you and I or they or her are nobody and everybody.
i know what i like. i know that there is inexplicable evil in this world and i am alright with it.
i cant change everything, maybe not even anything.
i cant change what ive done and i cant erase the thoughts that are in my head so ill just enjoy them instead.
from now on, everything is good. you just have to notice it. theres no bad weather and theres no bad moods.
everything is different and thats ok.
ive always liked that picture. theres so much between the ground and the sky.

i am everything right now. i am sad and i am inspired.
joe is moved in and today was the best day ive had in a very long time. i threw a guitar off a cliff and we awoke its soul in the ocean. we spent the day in santa cruz with evans and hilary and it was quite a trip.all day my thoughts have run as wild as i would love to and its very interesting to see what pops up. i have a lot of ideas and im really looking forward to the music that is to be made now that joe lives here. im already in love with the stuff we have written so far.
n the way out of santa cruz we hit up natural bridges (which is one of my favorite places to be) and smoked a cigarette on the rock fortress. upon leaving we decided to fuck 17 and drive up highway 1 on the coastline and it was a really good call. in half moon bay we found a carnival and rode a ferris wheel in the creepiest setting ever. now after a long drive and an even longer day i am in front of my computer playing guitar and i cant help but wonder what is coming next.
ive been a lot of places and somehow a lot is feeling new.
and yet on one hand i am a fucking moron and im going to have to live with it.
well i have a big day tomorrow as well.
you can take me for all that i am and all that i say but these troubles ive created will not go away.

my dad got married today. the amount of love that was visible between him and ann was mind boggling. i dont think there is a man who deserves it more. while reflecting i have come to wonder how bad the choices ive made are going to kill me in the end. i can say already that in my short life i have a solid share of regret. i dont know if i am capable of a love like that now. lately when i dont feel numb i feel hurt. i guess sometimes i can be overwhelmed with the built up innards i have been stockpiling since joe college stopped (by the way, we played last night. 10,000 pounds off my chest and it still aches) its not like theres a lack of people to confide in, i am a horrible comminicator, there are more than a few that will back me up on that one. for now i am lost of words and thoughts. im neither as happy nor as sad as i seem. dont be upset. i love you.

im damn near dead.

two day town.
i am vibrating at such a high level right now.

if you are reading this, you are alive. if you are not loving it right now, its ok. but let me tell you if you put an extra bit of effort to enjoy it, you wont be sorry